Friday, August 31, 2012

On trying to find peace...

My Peace watercolor
I've been feeling surprisingly zen lately.  Here's to the search for peace...

"Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process the world as it is, rather than how you think it should be."

"Let loose of what you can't control.  Serenity will be yours."

"It isn't the experience of today that drives men mad. It is the remorse for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring."
 - Robert Jones Burdette

"Don't fill your time with worry - fix what you can and let the rest take care of itself."

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

On Life Now...

That last post was actually written about two months ago, but for some reason I didn't want to post it.  I guess a small part of me--or I guess a rather large part of me--wasn't over the whole unemployment thing.  I know it seems silly to treat not having a job like it was such a traumatizing event, especially since I wasn't living on the streets or starving or anything, but to me, it really was traumatic.

It made me feel worthless--like a failure.  It felt almost like I lost my identity.  And it also caused a lot of strife between me and my best friend who I was and still am living with.  I guess I still have a lot of resentment toward that.  My friend and her boyfriend viewed my unemployment as a burden on them, even though my boyfriend was the real one supporting me.  If I had lost my job and immediately moved out, their financial affairs would have been just as bad as they got when I stayed.  Yeah, I wasn't paying rent, but I acted as live in maid for a long time.  And I felt like shit about myself.  Every. Single. Day.
And now they're making me pay back rent.

I really don't want money to get in the way of our friendship.  I know how weird people can be about it...and I think in time we'll be ok.  But for now, I haven't let it go.  It's still affecting me.

And I think that's why I just want to get out of Arizona.  To me, this barren desert represents a very hard time in my of the hardest.  It's not about getting away from my friend.  I really don't want to separate from her, but I feel like to truly start anew, I need to do it physically.
I guess that's because I'm dramatic like that.

So here is my announcement to the universe (not that anyone will read this) that I am going to be moving to Chicago.  Probably not until April, but I am going to do it.  My boyfriend will be moving in November, and I will follow a couple months later.

Then I guess I'll have to call my blog East of Somewhere: A Southern Californian's Adventures in Chicago.

It should prove interesting.  My bet?  I'll turn into an ice cube because my body has literally never been in the cold before.

Until next time...

On Life, the Universe, Everything...

So it's been a while.
To tell you the truth, I just didn't feel like writing.
It felt like I was going through the same thing everyday--the same feelings--the same problems.
I even didn't like being in my own head, so I really didn't want to talk (or write).

Let's just say that being unemployed for 4 months kicked my ass majorly.
Now that I'm employed, it's easier to talk about it...kinda.

Mostly I just want to move on.