If I'm Being Honest...

Ok so I am freaking out, and I'm not entirely sure why. Aside from my lovely bout of the flu at the beginning of the week, I don't know why I should feel as much anxiety as I have been for the past couple days. It's so bad that I've been having a hard time sleeping, with terrible dreams to top it all off. Plus I've been waking up with stomach cramps from my bad nerves.

The worst part about having this feeling is that I can't really figure out why I am so anxious. I mean I know why I might be, and the truth is that it might be EVERYTHING I am dealing with, not just one thing, that has me feeling this way.

Possible Causes of my Anxiety:
1. Having no real job means I have no real money and no ability to go out and do things.
2. I have no control over the house in which I live. I prefer to stay in my bedroom at this point...don't even get me started on the decorating choices in the living room.
3. Whenever James and I do go out with friends or his family, they are HIS friends and family, which I think makes me feel the need to impress them even more than I might normally feel when meeting people.
4. James' family is experiencing internal drama pretty much all the time.
5. Overall I feel a lack of control over my life and that scares me. I'm scared of what my future holds. I'm scared of how dependent I feel on James right now. I'm just scared.

I know that these feelings are a part of moving to a new city and trying to make a life there, but I have to write about it because the knots in my stomach keep getting worse, and I have to start acknowledging it. I like to pretend that I'm ok most of the time, and it takes its toll. Hopefully writing this down will help some.

On Portillo's...

Ok, so this place is amazing.
I may have to reconsider my stance on Chicago food. This is just the beginning...

On Chicago...

So I made it. I still don't have a computer set up so my posts might be limited for a little bit, but once I am up and running, I will let you know all about my new adventures!

P.S. I am experiencing my first snow fall! I can't help but sing "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" he he he he.

On My Newest Painting...

I don't know how I feel about this one yet. It is so unlike anything I've ever done before. It could probably use more work, but I have to give it to its recipient tomorrow.

On New Job Opportunities...

Yesterday was my last day of work, which gives me the rest of this week to pack and clean the house. Quitting was relatively painless. My boss was gracious and said he would give me a stellar recommendation, and the programmer who handles my day-to-day tasks even passed my name onto a friend who is looking for freelance writers, which sends me over the moon!

I was so afraid of being unemployed again, but with a fall-back freelance writing jobs already on hand and another job becoming available in the future, I don't think I'll have to worry about money too much while looking for a full-time job I will love. It just makes the moving process a little more stress free. It's funny though; I never thought I would be someone with connections. Just goes to show that sometimes everything works out just fine.

I hope I didn't jinx myself with this post...

On In-n-Out...

While people tell me that one of Chicago's best features is its food, I say the absence of In-n-Out means that it can't be THAT good.

I'm trying to get as much of this tasty place as I can before I move. I have had it twice in the past week. Apparently my hunger for In-n-Out overrides my need to save money for the move.

On How Moving Day is Fast Approaching...

Well, I move on February 25th, so I'm trying to enjoy as much mild weather as I can before heading to the freezing temperatures of Chicago.

I'm really excited guys. And really nervous.

I have my moving truck reserved and my brother's plane tickets bought. I am really glad he is flying out to drive with me. Not only will the drive be that much easier, but I am excited to get that time to spend with him before I'm almost 2,000 miles away (He still lives with my parents in San Diego County).

I got a freelance writing gig to keep me afloat while looking for a job. For that, I am grateful.

I have yet to tell my boss I am leaving. I'm not going to lie; I feel pretty guilty. I am the only in-office employee he has at this point and I know he wanted me to continue with him as his business transitions. But I'm afraid to tell him yet because he might let me go as soon as I tell him. I've decided to wait until I get my next paycheck before springing it on him. I hope he will be fine with it.

But I'm excited. I'm excited to be with James again. I'm excited to explore a new place.

I'm not excited to leave Rachel, but we'll be fine. I know it.

Deep breath.